It's the beginning of tourist season here in the nation's capital -- or as I like to call it, the season of People Standing on Both F'ing Sides of Metro Escalators.
In the interest of defusing in advance potential nasty confrontations between us Blue-State snobs and you Red-State rubes visiting us, I offer this helpful advice: stand on the right.
It's just like driving back in your semi-developed wilderness of a home state. If you're a slow (i.e., bad) driver -- which, if you're standing on the left, I'd wager you almost certainly are -- you stay in the right lane. When you poke along in the left lane, the people behind you get upset.
We will generally ask you politely, once, to pardon us as we walk up or down the escalator. Failing that, we will demand that you move your fat, lazy Red-State asses to the right, and will push on by. If you are holding a conversation with your dipshit teenager, who is slouched on the left side of the escalator in ill-fitting, over-priced imitation hip-hop clothing, we will push between you and will attempt to deliver an elbow to his ribs in the process.
Thank you for your attention.
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