The airline: American. Better seats than Delta, at least -- and I saw that big crater in the Arizona desert on the way there. Cool. Hottie stewardess ("Doris") on the way back; too bad I was catatonic.
The hotel: Luxor. The whole pyramid thing is starting to feel dated, and it's obviously appealing to your lower class of Vegas visitor. Like, well, myself. But the pool's great and you can't beat the blackjack, where it's never hard to find a $10 table for you and at least one or two of your buddies and late surrender is allowed.
The food, in order: Sam Adams beer place at Reagan airport (good fries and beer); Bellagio dinner buffet (excellent); Luxor lunch buffet (not excellent); Fatburger (not bad for slow fast food, one cabbie says In-N-Out is better); Luxor breakfast buffet (a little gross); Chin-Chin at the NY-NY (very good Singapore noodles); Chili's at the St. Louis airport (I wanted to sleep).
The drinking, from what I can remember: Nefertiti's Lounge at Luxor (surly waitresses, way overpriced imitation Red Bull and vodka); Island Lounge at Mandalay Bay (hilarious band, equally hilarious prostitutes, silly drunk girl trying to score); $1 beer at O'Shea's casino (terrible blackjack rules -- to be avoided); the Wynn sportsbook (awesome place to watch a game); Ghostbar at The Palms casino (either the greatest or second-greatest bar ever, as I told the cabaret dancer; no celebrity sightings); back to Mandalay Bay (more prostitutes and bachelorette parties, and no, I didn't); margaritas and Coronas and Patron shots at the Luxor pool; nap time; back on the vodka tonic train at Chin-Chin; Mandalay Bay again, after winning $100 at blackjack.
The gambling: Couple quick points -- never play craps unless you have a shitload to spend; video poker is a stupid but easy and inexpensive way to kill a half-hour and $20; blackjack is my game. Linda at the Wynn kicked ass, even though she took my money, and so did Donald at Luxor, who didn't.
Pics to come.
P.S. -- My buddy Ben has completed a much more detailed and amusing report on the weekend's activities, which I post with his permission, sans his last name, because apparently he's got enemies who would use his reckless gambling and drinking against him ...
Subject: Vegas: An Appreciation
I had to write this down. I want to remember it. I want to re-live it. I want to be at a blackjack table right now. Has it already been a week since the trip began?
What follows is a recap of our adventure. Follow along if you like. We will be doing this again.
Thursday:
_ Noon. DC crew meets at Reagan Airport. Ryan declares he's not making any decisions on this trip. Alex says he can only deal with Vegas every 3 to 5 years.
_ 6:15 p.m. Vegas time. We check in at The Luxor. Rommie shows up in a plaid-shirt/khaki pant combo. We would all come to know it very well.
_ 7 p.m. The much hyped Bellagio buffet does not disappoint. Alex "four plates" Wayne, Ryan and Dan all enjoy the good eats but fail to give props to [Ben] for suggesting the idea 27 times. Ben does not get pissed until Dan beats him to the only bathroom stall in the restaurant.
_ 9:30 p.m. Neffertitis time. Rommie tries to sing Ben the "thong song" but fails to connect when all he does is shout, "Thong! Thong!" Ryan starts itching to gamble and struggles to avoid leading a charge to the casino. "I'm not making any decisions on this trip," he reminds us.
_ 10:33 p.m. The first round of gambling at the Luxor. Ben splits a pair of nines, then splits again when he gets a third nine. Dealer slaps down three glorious face cards in a row - 19, 19, 19. Ben is feeling it. Then dealer draws to a 20. A new name for all things bad is born: Triple 19 Ass Fuck.
_ 11:44 p.m. Emily inexplicably heads to bed after being up all day and night, ensuring her fate as the woman who always misses the good shit at Mandalay Bay. A drunken woman named Alex asks Ben, "Who did you vote for?" Annoyed, Ben passes her off to our man Alex, who makes up shit about being a gay Canadian, and Ryan, who becomes her dance partner -- twice. We all watch as a band member dances and pumps his right arm like Milli Vanilli in epileptic shock.
_ 2:45 a.m. Back at the Luxor, Ben hits a long lucky streak at roulette, erasing an early $160 deficit. Then he cleans up at blackjack, pocketing a tidy $320 profit. In his 7th trip to Vegas since 1999, he remembers that Vegas has a way of taking a punch and coming back fighting before the weekend is out. Ben chooses to ignore this and thinks he owns the town.
Friday:
_ Noon. We make it just in time for the breakfast buffet to miss breakfast.
_ 1:22 p.m. Ben considers buying an ugly $177 orange tie-dyed shirt to go clubbing at Ghost Bar. "There's always a first time," the salesman woos. The group wisely talks Ben out of it, leading him over to Urban Outfitters, where he settles for a $10 pink shirt like a Rhinestone Cowboy. Alex finds a flask that says, "What wouldn't Jesus do." He decides may 3 to 5 years is too long to wait for his next Vegas trip.
_ 2:26 p.m. We head off for a tour of the Strip. In 94 degree heat, Rommie shows up in the plaid shirt and khakis, saying he hadn't thought to bring shorts to a trip to the desert. Dan, in a precursor of monorail things to come, takes us on a misguided search for the MGM sportsbook. We head to a pit of a place called O'Sheas, looking for midgets who pour shots down your mouth. Instead, we see Ryan's spirits lift when he wins by listening to Dan and letting it ride on black.
_ A strange period of time ensues. We travel by the Dan Walter monorail south on the Strip to head north to the Wynn, where we take a shuttle to get in. Emily looks at a tired Rommie and declares, "He doesn't do well on vacations."
_ 4 p.m. The female dealer pegs Rommie for a software accountant. When told what Rommie really does, she takes one look at him and says "An entertainment reporter? YOU?"
_ 4:22 p.m. A jolly man from Southern California joins the table and wins big. Ryan takes a picture and dubs him "San Diego Splits."
_ 6 p.m. Ben, Ryan, Dan and Alex watch the end of the Pistons-Cavs game in the epic Wynn sports book. The basketball quickly becomes an afterthought to the sublime, leggy cocktail waitress. Dan aptly points out that it is hard to no where to look at her first. Ryan insists the waitress is too good looking to even exist.
_ 6:04 p.m. Ryan reminds us he isn't making any decisions on this trip.
_ 7 p.m. Nancy the cab driver takes us on the fatburger express. Someone asks what the thing is we're passing. "That's supposed to be a projector," she said. "I ain't seen it project shit."
_ 7:08 p.m. Nancy rides up on the ass of a wimpy Prius driver from California, who responds by meekly flipping us the bar. Alex, with gusto, flips him back. Nancy pleads with us to make sure Fatburger does not give us any precooked patties. "Tell them to make it fresh! FRESH!"
_ 8:14 p.m. Dan falls in love with their free sample of Coke Blak on the walk back to the Luxor. Alex, with a Red Bull in his other hand, does the same. Caffeine + Caffeine = Good.
_ 9:22 p.m. One cab to the Ghost Bar gets there in minutes. The other, containing Ryan, Dan and Ben, gets stuck in hellish traffic on the Strip. Ryan challenges the cab driver's decision-making, drawing only mutters and silence. In Ryan's mind, if he were making decisions, we would have been there by now.
_ 9:33: Ben's efforts to get on this lGhost Bar list, via Dave Austin and Dan, pay off. Sort of. We are ordered to wait in an embarrassing holding pen of red plastic rope lines. A mutiny starts. Ben, at the front of the line, starts feeling the heat from his buddies. He eagerly offers his ID, some paperwork, whatever will get the bouncer's attention. He is ignored.
_ 9:45: Bouncer lets us in. "This is only to jump the line," he warns. "You still have to pay."
_ 9:53 p.m. We're in. We like it. We would soon love it. The drinks flow. The shots arrive. The view is grand. The women dance with themselves in ways we should have to pay for. Emily takes pictures. Dan likes the music. Ben decides to name his first son Ghost Bar. "We'll call him Goby," Ryan says. Alex asks a Cabaret dancer if this is the best bar ever or the second best bar ever. This makes no sense to her but she still warms to him. Ghost Bar lives on forever.
_ Midnight. Seeking change of venue, for some reason, we cab over to the Mandalay Bay. It is not as good as the night before, but at least Emily is with us this time, until she and Rommie go their own way for what they describe as room service. We are drunk. We try another bar. Alex checks out the Cougars.
_ 12:43 a.m. Ben loses money at blackjack at the Luxor. His friends seem to keep winning. Ben gets a little jealous. He is so tired that he falls asleep during the middle of a hand. Showing unusual maturity, he calls it a night and heads off. To a roulette table. He loses more money.
Saturday:
_ 10:45 a.m. We make the buffet in time for breakfast. Under repeated questioning, Rommie cracks and admits that the show he is going to with his wife on Friday night involves puppets. We mock him. Emily comes to his defense. "It's supposed to be riotously funny," she says.
_ 11:23 a.m. Ryan clarifies that he is allowed to make decisions for himself on the trip, just nothing that affects the entire group.
_ 11:58 a.m. Alex, Dan, Rommie and Ben go to the MGM Grand sports book and make fun of the oddsmakers for giving the Cavs nine points against the Pistons. Three of us put money on this. The Pistons would end up winning by 18 or so. Vegas quietly laughs at us.
_ 12:14 p.m. The fearsome foursome heads off on a long, hot search for the perfect blackjack table. No room at Paris. No affordable tables at the Venetian. We finally find it _ exactly where we started, the Luxor. We are so excited to see empty seats at a $10 table that we don't notice Rommie is already sitting there.
_ 12:15 p.m. Ben asks Rommie why he is wearing a "Luxor Las Vegas" T-shirt. "As we've established," Rommie says, "I packed too light."
_ 12:42 p.m. Ryan snaps at Alex for asking questions during a round of craps. Alex employs the guys' method of conflict resolution: Whatever, dude.
_ 2 p.m. The crew, sans Rommie, is all at the pool. Ben asks why we have a three-hour layover in St. Louis the next day. Dan and Ben begin debating how we could spend the time. This somehow ends up with plans for Emily to get an associate's degree in truck driving. We are all deliriously overtired.
_ 2:38 p.m. Emily gets the hiccups. Alex says he can help. He encourages her to ignore all distractions, including the hot women leaning against the edge of the pool. Noticing that a girl nearby heard him, Alex says, "Not you. You're just a kid."
_ 3 p.m. Ben waits in the line to get drinks at the pool. A chatty guy tells him that Barboro broke his leg in the horse race that day. "Is he going to have to be killed?" Ben asks. Dumbfounded, the guy says, "I'm not a vet."
_ 8:10 p.m. The DC crews gets Chinese food at New York, New York. Full of noodles and no sleep, Ben decides to take a nap before.
_ 9:18 p.m. Alex snaps at Ben for not coordinating his nap schedule. The whatever dude defense works well again.
_ Midnight: Ben wakes up so he can downstairs and lose for a final time in blackjack. Emily shows up. Asked about the quality of the puppet show, she says, "It was riotously funny, or whatever."
_ 2 a.m. The men go back to Mandalay for the last time. They see a fight outside the House of Blues. It never really seems to end. Unfortunately, the trip does.
_ 4:11 a.m. DC guys take a cab to the airport. The cab driver tells us a vivid story about a woman servicing a guy in his backseat. Asked several times if he has cleaned the seat since then, he finally says, "It's been cleaned up by the asses of the last 50 people who sat back there."
_ 4:38 a.m. We wait for our 6 a.m. flight home. Alex goes successfully hunting for a screwdriver. He comes back with a double. He begins plotting a trip to Vegas for a football weekend this fall.
_ 4:40 a.m. There is nothing left to stay. Still, Ryan comes up with this gem: "I like Rommie's hair."
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