Arrivals

Two very good friends of mine in Greensboro, NC are about to have their first baby. The husband -- I believe in order to vent his mounting panic -- has taken to documenting the experience in a series of often funny, sometimes heartwarming emails. Perfect kind of thing for a blog, but he says he's too lazy (in a city sort of famous for its blogging). Anyway, because I have nothing else to write about, here's an excerpt (plus, I'm a contributor to this one):

Last night, I just watched Nancy’s belly move and squirm. Isaac is
already very smart. He has figured out a series of kicks and punches to
communicate with us, we just haven’t learned to interpret them yet. The
obvious visual comparison is the parasite in the movie Alien, but I
also thought of ol Bugs Bunny cartoon when someone ate dynamite and would
quiver, ready to blow at the slightest jostle.

While I was enjoying the “Wavy Belly” Show, Nancy told me she felt a
contraction. My first instinct was to raise the Delivery Awareness
Level from “Orange” or “Guarded” to “Red” or “Active Delivery Phase”. My mind
quieted down when I looked at Nancy. She’ll know when it’s time.

Here comes the science…..For those of you haven’t been exposed to
making babies (except for rolling over and going to sleep afterwards)*, the
cervix is a thick muscular ring at the base of the uterus. The baby’s
head is slightly pointed to push though. “Contractions” are actually
the muscles in the walls of the uterus practicing for the big day. Normally
the cervix looks like the neck of a turtle neck sweater, but when it
effaces, it stretches and thins out. It also dilates from 0 cm
(completely closed), to 5 cm (ouch this isn’t fun), 8 cm (you son of a
bitch I never wanted kids), 10 cm (baby time).

I’m sure you’ve seen skeletons before. Next time you look at one, look
at the bones in the pelvis. A baby has to get through that hole. Oh
yeah, bone doesn’t strech by the way. When the baby’s head is level
with the bottom of the hip joints, they are at “Zero station” Any higher,
and the are rated at Zero -1-5 (-5 being the highest). Any lower and the
are rated Zero +1-5 (anything higher than three, and the baby is crowning).

Two weeks ago, Nancy was 50% effaced, and 1 cm dilated.

Big Matt.

* Thanks for the joke Alex

You're welcome. I still don't know what all the science stuff means, though.

Notable aside: For my readers/friends in Greensboro, I'll be down there this weekend, visiting Matt and Nancy on what could be their last weekend as DINKs. If you'd like to catch up, I'll probably be at the 'Hoppers (?) game on Saturday. Haven't seen the new stadium, but I'll bet there's a bar, and that's where you're likely to find me.

Alternatively, you can email me, and we might actually, like, plan something.