A gifthorse that almost got looked in the mouth

I made my first visit to Greensboro's new "First Horizon Park" on Saturday.

Spent a lot of my time in the Grandstand, the re-make of the bar of the same name that was integral to the city's old baseball stadium. The new bar, like the new stadium, is pretty much superior in every way. Better beer, more room, more seating. Only downside: it's no longer staffed by college hotties. Can't have everything, I suppose.

The rest of the stadium is equally pleasant. A nice wide concourse with your usual assortment of junkfood dealers. Comfortable seats. Good colors, and little architectural flourishes, like the green lamps ringing the outside of the brick facade. A good view of the game from everywhere. Plenty of beer vendors. A playground for the kiddies. A beautiful view from the third base line of Greensboro's skyline, such as it is. Clean, uncrowded bathrooms. It's a gem, pretty much. I bought a Grasshoppers hat. My friends got a free Jim Melvin bobblehead doll, which was really funny if, like me, you happened to have reported on the construction of this stadium. A couple years ago, it might as well have been a Satan bobblehead.

Here is where I almost launched into a lengthy, boring post about how ludicrous it was for a healthy proportion of Greensboro's citizenry to oppose the construction of this stadium, even though it cost taxpayers peanuts, if anything, and has clearly helped revitalize downtown.

(Some context: Washington, DC is about to build a $500 million stadium for its new baseball team, and every penny will come from taxpayers' hides. Now there's a scandal.)

But hey, water under the bridge. The stadium has made a nice town better. Enjoy.

Arrivals

Two very good friends of mine in Greensboro, NC are about to have their first baby. The husband -- I believe in order to vent his mounting panic -- has taken to documenting the experience in a series of often funny, sometimes heartwarming emails. Perfect kind of thing for a blog, but he says he's too lazy (in a city sort of famous for its blogging). Anyway, because I have nothing else to write about, here's an excerpt (plus, I'm a contributor to this one):

Last night, I just watched Nancy’s belly move and squirm. Isaac is
already very smart. He has figured out a series of kicks and punches to
communicate with us, we just haven’t learned to interpret them yet. The
obvious visual comparison is the parasite in the movie Alien, but I
also thought of ol Bugs Bunny cartoon when someone ate dynamite and would
quiver, ready to blow at the slightest jostle.

While I was enjoying the “Wavy Belly” Show, Nancy told me she felt a
contraction. My first instinct was to raise the Delivery Awareness
Level from “Orange” or “Guarded” to “Red” or “Active Delivery Phase”. My mind
quieted down when I looked at Nancy. She’ll know when it’s time.

Here comes the science…..For those of you haven’t been exposed to
making babies (except for rolling over and going to sleep afterwards)*, the
cervix is a thick muscular ring at the base of the uterus. The baby’s
head is slightly pointed to push though. “Contractions” are actually
the muscles in the walls of the uterus practicing for the big day. Normally
the cervix looks like the neck of a turtle neck sweater, but when it
effaces, it stretches and thins out. It also dilates from 0 cm
(completely closed), to 5 cm (ouch this isn’t fun), 8 cm (you son of a
bitch I never wanted kids), 10 cm (baby time).

I’m sure you’ve seen skeletons before. Next time you look at one, look
at the bones in the pelvis. A baby has to get through that hole. Oh
yeah, bone doesn’t strech by the way. When the baby’s head is level
with the bottom of the hip joints, they are at “Zero station” Any higher,
and the are rated at Zero -1-5 (-5 being the highest). Any lower and the
are rated Zero +1-5 (anything higher than three, and the baby is crowning).

Two weeks ago, Nancy was 50% effaced, and 1 cm dilated.

Big Matt.

* Thanks for the joke Alex

You're welcome. I still don't know what all the science stuff means, though.

Notable aside: For my readers/friends in Greensboro, I'll be down there this weekend, visiting Matt and Nancy on what could be their last weekend as DINKs. If you'd like to catch up, I'll probably be at the 'Hoppers (?) game on Saturday. Haven't seen the new stadium, but I'll bet there's a bar, and that's where you're likely to find me.

Alternatively, you can email me, and we might actually, like, plan something.

Quick movie reviews

Seen a couple very good flicks recently that should be plugged. Warning: mild spoilers, but probably nothing you didn't already figure out from trailers and reviews.

1. Batman Begins. Easily the best edition since Michael Keaton and Jack Nicholson, and maybe even better than that one. Christian Bale is totally Batman. Liam Neeson is a badass. Morgan Freeman steals every one of his scenes. So does the batmobile. Katie Holmes looks like a girl in a woman's role (Angie Harmon, who has convincingly played a prosecutor, perhaps should have gotten a call). Also could have done without some of the mystical ninja mumbo-jumbo that burned up the first third of the movie and nearly chased my girlfriend from the theater.

2. War of the Worlds. I sure hate Tom Cruise, but damn if I don't love his movies. I would offer that this movie features the greatest "arrival" scene in the history of extraterrestrial cinema. Like, they come from underground, man! How cool is that? (We'll overlook the logical questions, such as: If they could plant awesome war machines under the Earth's crust thousands of years ago, why didn't they, uh, just invade the planet back then?) Dakota Fanning, who plays Cruise's daughter, is one excellent little actress. How many 10-year-olds have comedic timing, for Christ's sake? The scenes in the basement are some of the most tense in an alien movie since Sigourney Weaver was trapped in the lab in Aliens. Stephen Spielberg is simply a genius. Although the Martians look kinda dumb -- like wimpier Aliens. My only real problem with the flick is something Spielberg couldn't do anything about: the ending of War of the Worlds has always been unsatisfying. I want something like Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum blowing up the mothership in Independence Day, only not so stupid. Instead we get: the flu. At least there's a cool Morgan Freeman voiceover.

Mastered:

On banjo, the opening verse of "Dueling Banjos."

(The verse you might feel compelled to whistle when, say, crossing from Florida into Georgia, or from Guilford County N.C. into Randolph County, or from Arlington into Fairfax.)

It is my finest musical achievement. Bow to me, hillbillies of the world.