State of the fart

The first sign of a Great Society, I believe, is fancy shitters. Still, I'm not sure why I'd want my toilet to look like a hatbox. Seems like that'd just make it harder to find when I'm drunk. Especially when I read this line:

... freeing designers to place the Purist where toilets have never been placed before.

Like ... where? Next to the couch? Nonetheless, I'm a big supporter of advances in toilet technology. I envision a day when we don't even need "bathrooms," a day when toilets blend in with the scenery and no one bats an eye when I drop trow in the middle of a dinner party.

All I want for Christmas...

... is this t-shirt. And for the Kansas school board to be impeached. (Thanks, Lex.)

Tooting my own horn, again

Check me out on NPR's "Talk of the Nation." I'd have announced it in advance, but I didn't want any of you suckers asking me about crazy shit again. And they only gave me about three hours' notice this morning.

Criticism is welcome. It's the only way I can become the best pundit I can be.

You know you live in a third-world city ...

... when the police chief's unmarked police car, full of riot gear, is stolen.

Alex Wayne, activist (so long as it doesn't require, like, actual activity)

One of journalism's many commandments: thou shalt not involve thyself in the activity of governments thou covers.

So because I cover Congress, I don't blog about what they're up to (er, much) or write letters to congressmen or anything like that. Somewhat refreshingly, however, I suddenly feel free to involve myself (a little) in local government. And since I live in a city that may have the sorriest local government in America, opportunity abounds.

For example: the Washington Post recently published an excellent series on our badly mismanaged public transit system. In response, I sent an e-mail to the Metro board of directors (who should all be replaced, by the way):

Dear Metro Board of Directors:

As a frequent Metro rider, I am generally pleased by
the system's service and supportive of providing the
agency more money, including a dedicated revenue
source.

My support, however, has been badly shaken by the
disclosures in just the first chapter of the
Washington Post's series on the state of Metro. The
agency appears to be in a state of disarray and very
badly mismanaged; it does not deserve increased
funding until public confidence is restored.

I hope you will act swiftly to right the agency. I
would offer two suggestions, based on the Washington
Post report, that I believe you could implement
immediately:

1. Replace the chief executive, Richard A. White, who
is ultimately responsible for the millions of dollars
that have been wasted on bad equipment and failed
maintenance.

2. Contract with private firms for escalator
maintenance. At my home station, Eastern Market, one
or the other of the platform escalators seems to be
almost permanently under repair; now I know why.

Sincerely,

Alex Wayne

In response, I get this:

Dear Alex Wayne:

Thank you for your June 4, 2005, e-mail  to the Washington Metropolitan
Area Transit Authority's (WMATA) Board.  The Board has requested that I
respond to you.  

While it is not always possible to implement every suggestion made, we
do consider each one carefully and value your opinions.  Regarding your
idea to contract with private firms for escalator maintenance, WMATA
uses both contractors and in-house mechanics for escalator repairs.  Both
groups have performance standards they must meet.  WMATA has more
escalators than any transit system in the world.  Many of those escalators
are more than 25 years old, but the overall reliability of the rail
system's 588 escalators has improved three percent during the past five
years.  WMATA is taking several steps to improve escalator performance,
including: installing canopies over rehabilitated escalators; installing
remote monitoring systems to quickly identify breakdowns; and
conducting more frequent inspections.

I hope I have addressed your concerns.  We look forward to continuing
to serve you and improving our services for you and all of our patrons.

Sincerely,

Joseph Galinanes
Director of Customer Service
Department of Communications

Nice try, Joe. But you seem to have addressed only one of my two suggestions. An oversight, I'm sure.

Oh how I loathe you, Lucas

George Lucas got the better of me last weekend. I saw his cursed movie. (But I didn't pay for it.)

Grudgingly, I will acknowledge that I was entertained. Which makes it all the more a shame. Rather than just being a kind of fun movie, it could have been a very good one -- if the first two hadn't reeked, and if Hayden Christensen wasn't such a terrible, terrible actor. (The little lady noted that his portrayal of "evil" seems to be confined to looking over his shoulder and raising an eyebrow. Oooohhh, hide the women and children!)

Binker speculates that Lucas had enough material for two movies, not three, but felt he had to stretch it out to match the first -- er, second -- three. Hence we got Jar Jar Binks, and speechifying, and silly stuff about minichlorine or something. I buy that.

What I look forward to is the remakes, in twenty years or so, of all six movies. That is, of course, if the rights can be pried from Lucas' cold, dead hands. This might merit an act of Congress.

Fun with colors

The Pew Research Center for the People & the Press rightly thinks all this red-blue talk is silly. Take their test and find out your political persuasion.

No surprise here: I'm a "Liberal." I was hoping for "Bystander," but gosh darnit, I just vote too much.

My mom, however, who fancies herself a good conservative, found out somewhat to her surprise that she's an "Upbeat." Bad news, mom: that doesn't do much for your neverending pursuit of the title of Meanest Mom. I'll bet longtime title-holder Mrs. Bengston is a "Disaffected," or worse -- "Liberal."

W. Mark "Deep Throat" Felt, I salute you

So how cool is that? Not much I can say about it that someone else can't say better, since I wasn't alive when Watergate broke. And no sense in trying to overstate what Felt and the story he helped break meant to journalism and journalists everywhere (uh, a lot). But I sure read the book. And I sure have hoped, someday, somewhere, to have a source like W. Mark Felt. And it sure was cool to watch this story unfold today.

Let your dad have three glasses of wine tonight, Joan Felt. Here's hoping he's still with us enough to tell the story in his own words very soon.

Update: Bob Woodward's first-person account of his relationship with Throat is not to be missed. That's a book I'll want on my shelves -- in hardcover. The New York Times' account, amusingly, seems to drip with scorn for Woodward. And they quickly shunted it off the lead portion of their Web site. Why not? I mean, there was big news today, like a new SEC chief!

Double Update: I'm sympathetic to this line of reasoning. And I'm a little disappointed that the first live comment we see out of Mr. Felt himself appears to be this. I hope he kept Woodward-like records of his days as Deep Throat, because I'm despairing of ever hearing the story in his own words.